American Embassy

Top 10 Misunderstandings

1) It is a welcoming place

2) No one is paranoid

3) The structures blends in

4) Everyone is friendly, once you pass the steel spikes, bullet proof gates, and pay no attention to the military bullies with mashine guns

5) You feel safe

6) The mirror in the entrance way is really for primping before your appointment with your Ambassador, and not a one way (Is it 2 way? lo0oL) mirror

7) The U.S. Ambassador is accessible to all people without regard to race, creed, color, religion, or nationality

8) The CIA has never heard of Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman of Jersey City, and has no idea where Khartoum is located

9) Your Ambassodor is the only true friend you have in a foreign country

10) In order to get a visa extension in Khartoum you need your ambassador's signature attesting to the fact that you are not a wanted criminal and that you will not jeopardize sombody's "national interest." Instead of a signature, you're searched, magnetized, and interrogated; this is especially true if you were born in a foreign country and are now a naturalized citizen. Guilty until proven innocent! Your "friends," become androids...Stepford Wives.

Embassy Official: "Why are you here?"
Me: "I need the ambassador's signature"
EO: "I mean why are you here in this country, in Khartoum?"
Me: "I have friends"
EO: "Friends? Here? Who?"

Pause...how does one conduct border formalities at the Algerian border? With cadeaux of course. And at the US embassy? With fawning courtesy.

Interview/interrogation...
EO: "When did you first enter the United States?"
Me: "I don't remember the exact date"
EO: "What year did you become a naturalized US citizen?"
Me: "I'm not sure"
EO: "What does the 4th of July stand for?"
Me: "HU? You get the day off work?"
EO: "You have worked in the United States all these years and you do not know the significance of July 4th?"
Look guilty
EO: "You just came from Niger?"
Me: "No! Algeria"
EO: "Visiting friends?"
Me: "Mmm"
EO: "Come back tomorrow"
Me: "My visa is up in a few days. I need the ambassador's signature. Please?"

Don't try to kick a mean cow. If this is reported your embassy can sent you back to Algeria...or Niger or wherever. Sent back to a country for which you have no visa, and hence, into the no-man's land between the two countries where you will surely die in the desert among the derelict autos and broken-down military huts half buried in the sand.